So this post pretty much sums up on how G and I found out about the twins. It’s a long story, so grab your hot drinks and snacks!

I will never forget that day as it will always be etched in my brain…

Throwback to February 23, 2015.  It was a dreary February at all, to say the least. Winter was in full effect and the cold weather definitely took its toll on me. So on February 23, 2015, I was 9 weeks and 2 days pregnant. The first 9 weeks were rough. I would bitch all the time about how awful I felt. Hormones, nausea, overall tiredness and weak feelings…no fucking bueno.

At this point, only G, a handful of my closest girlfriends, my trainer, my cousin who works at our office, and G’s parents knew I was pregnant. We told G’s parents the day before on February 22nd, with this sign:

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Not even our sisters knew. My sisters were out of town separately with their guys. G’s sister was doing a fashion event that night, so we wanted to wait. We were going to tell my parents when they returned from their Caribbean cruise on February 24th. February 24th was my mom’s 60th birthday (sorry mom for revealing your age!), so it would have been a nice surprise for her to come home to.

So I’m just going to try to describe the day (February 23, 2015) chronologically:

8:30am – 9:30am: Did my morning routine: took meds/vitamins, had some little bites of breakfast,  got ready for work

9:35am: in the bathroom “NO! no no no no no. Oh please no! please no! *kneels in front of the sink* Please God NO!! Don’t do this to me! Don’t do this to me please!!” Cries hysterically. Calls the hubby (who just got to work) “G!!! I’m bleeding! It doesn’t look good!!

G: “Babe calm please down. Describe it to me. Can you walk? Are you in pain? Can you drive? Okay, go to the hospital as soon as you’re ready. I’ll tell my boss right now and meet you soon

9:40am: Calls the doctor’s office (which is at the hospital) “Okay sounds like it is a loss. You would naturally let this process take its course. If you are able, you can come in and we’ll have you meet with the doctors“. Finally calms self down without crying on the way to the car. Still feels bleeding. Drives self to doctor/hospital.

9:55am: Finally finds parking at hospital. Checks in. While waiting, I call our office “Grace! *Cries* please reschedule any appointments I have today. I have an emergency. I think I’m losing…I’m losing my baby *cries hysterically again*”

Grace:”Joan. Joan. It’s okay Joan. Try to calm down and drink some water. You need me to send someone to help you? Are you alone? Okay good G got to leave work. Praying for you!

Clinic staff realize I am alone and crying. Offer me something to drink (so sweet of them).

10:15am: G arrives to comfort me and keep me positive

11:00am: Doctors see me. Informs me that spotting is common (which I assured them that it was NOT as they described). Brings out the fetal Doppler (I already knew it was hard to detect a heartbeat this early).  No heartbeat heard.

Doctor: “Don’t be discouraged Joan. It’s common to not hear the heartbeat this early. Would it be okay for you to confirm things by doing an emergency ultrasound so they can see what is happening” Yes! Please! ASAP!!

Clinic Staff: “The earliest they can take you in at the ultrasound clinic is 1:30pm.” Okay done!

11:15am:  Goes home. As soon as I sit on the couch with G, I text my parents in the Caribbean. No reply. I call my sister who is with her husband driving their way home from the US. Yay she answers! “Aila!” Cries/Tells her everything.

Aila: “You’re pregnant that’s great news. Okay, it does sound like a loss. Just keep in mind, there is nothing you did or could do to avoid this. This happens and it’s not your fault. Make sure you eat something. G’s with you? You’re having an ultrasound later. Okay I will go straight to you. We’re still in the mid-west now but depending on traffic, we should be there around 6:00pm. Take care

11:30am-12:45pm:  Prays to God *kneels* “I’ll deal with the nausea, the hormones, the stress! I’ll deal with everything else just please don’t let me lose my baby! Please please don’t do this to me

1:00pm: At the ultrasound clinic at the hospital waiting to be seen.

1:30pm: Clinic staff: “Yes you are on the list but not until 3:00pm” Okay then, even though I was told 1:30pm.

2:00pm: I finally eat the muffin G got for me at the cafeteria and continue to watch the news on the waiting room TV.

Waiting….waiting…more waiting…

Mind you, there was no cell reception at the ultrasound clinic as it is in the basement of the hospital. So we couldn’t browse our phones.

3:45pm! “Joan? come this way. Dress in these. A tech will come and see you shortly.

4:15pm: Finally! Tech #1: ” Okay I see you’re having some bleeding. I will check on the surface and insert one if that’s okay with you” Sure go ahead and do what you have to do.

Tech #2: all smiles for some reason

Both Techs: mumbles back and forth

Tech #1: “Miss, did you have IVF? Or do twins run in your family?” Say what?! “No I did not have IVF. What does that have to do with what’s going on with me right now?!?” Twins?!

Tech #2: “Possible reason why you’re experiencing excessive bleeding is because babies are making room in your uterus. Placentas placement is near an area where you may bleed” Babies?!!?

Tech #1: “Yes do you see those two glowing lights? There are two babies in there and they are moving.”

OH. MY. WORD. “Can someone get my husband!?!?” Tech #2 gets G from the waiting room. “Are my babies healthy? Are they at their proper sizes for 9 weeks?Are their hearts beating? Can I get that picture printed?” Tech #1: “Sorry Miss, this is the emergency ultrasound and this machine does not print pictures. I also cannot comment if babies are healthy. I will forward the readings to your doctor. The office should receive the information within the hour. You have to see your doctor for them to tell you what you want to know.” Fair enough. In retrospect, I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to ask if I can take a picture of the ultrasound with my phone. Ah well! My mind was definitely somewhere else!

4:30pm: Techs leave the room so I can get dressed. G and I hugged and cried with joy.

4:35pm: We leave the emergency ultrasound clinic to make our way to the doctors office upstairs. Our phone blows up with voicemails and texts we missed in the last 3 hours. In summary:

My Mom and Dad calls and texts: “Is everything okay? Call us please!”

My younger Sister Ari (who was in BC at the time): “So Dad’s been asking me about you. Everything alright?

Told my parents the news. Mom: “I had a feeling I was receiving a great surprise for my 60th birthday! Can’t wait to see you when we fly back tomorrow

Told Ari the news while she was having high tea with her boyfriend at the Empress in Victoria BC. Ari “Oh wow. I had no idea you’re pregnant. No, I couldn’t tell. Congrats sis! See you when I’m back!

Called G’s Sister to cancel coming to her fashion event for men’s fashion week. “Congrats sis! No you do not need to pay me back for missing the event! So exciting! See you soon.

I also texted my girlfriends the news in our groupchat. I was so elated.

4:50pm: At the doctors office. Confirmed babies are healthy and hearts are beating. They also referred me to the OB that specializes in multiples, which began my weekly hospital/doctors visits to manage progress.

5:00pm: Called Aila: “G told me the news. I’m so happy it turned out the other way sis! We are almost there. Pick a spot near the highway so we can have dinner.

G and I met with Aila and her husband at Via Cibo at Leslie and York Mills, for a quick Italian dinner. I was craving pasta, even though I had like 6 bites of my spaghetti. She was also craving pasta as she was pregnant too and due in a couple months.

From that point on, G and I were so grateful we were given these gifts and the privilege to be parents. We were prepared for the inevitable, that the day would end with grief…grief that I would not be able to process as many other women out there have experienced the heart-wrenching loss of a baby

I saw my mom and dad the next day and gave them this edited sign:

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I prayed so hard “Thank you thank you Lord!” I have never been so thankful.

I learned to take it easy the rest of the pregnancy. Everything started to make sense with what I’ve been going through with symptoms-wise. Yes, there were hardships. Every time I felt a bout of nausea or complained about something so small, I’d always remind myself of what I went through on February 23, 2015. Then shortly after my worries would be so small to me. I chose not to stress out at work either, even though we were beginning tax season.

What mattered most was G, me and our little family-to-be. Second trimester happened and felt a pretty amazing couple of months.

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Til next post!